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I Know I Can't WinOpen eyelids see,
sad morning light.
Haunted by hands,
tortured by night.
Bruises are covered,
by make-up and clothes.
so nobody will know.
Blood lost by blood-lust,
desire and despise.
from innocent eyes.
Today becomes tomorrow,
and the next and the next.
and lips pray,
for a day of sweet rest.
No daylight nor nightfall,
forbids more disdain.
But lessons learned,
the measure of pain.
Don't fight back... Don't complain.
2 Cold 2 BleedOn frozen nights when it is too cold to bleed,
Those are the times I am afraid to dream.
When conversation brings unwanted memories,
Tears flowing in streams until I can finally breathe.
The truth is that getting over things
Is what I do best sometimes it seems.
But how the sun shines when he speaks to me!
And I find myself wanting to know everything.
I want to look through his eyes, to see what he sees,
I want to know if he ever thinks about me.
In the end though, I shyly retreat.
I can't allow him into my reality.
I know I could love him, most certainly.
But we all know what happens...
when someone is loved by me.
In Your HellYou're hiding in the shadows
of a dark and lonely place,
not wanting to hear my voice
and refusing to see my face.
Never knowing that I have followed you...
into this despair,
hoping to hold your hand
and comfort you once I'm there.
The ground shakes as I blindly walk
only following my heart,
I'm trying so hard to hang on
as my entire world falls apart.
The air here stings my lungs,
but I keep breathing for you.
I'm clinging to hope because
it's the only thing I know to do.
My tears are so hot they boil in my eyes
and burn lines down my skin,
and my stomach feels as if
I've swallowed some kind of poison.
The poison quickly flows through my blood,
attacking my brain.
It's so hard to fight insanity
when I'm screaming from the pain.
My body is destroyed and I can't walk,
but what is left of my lovesick heart,
knows that you are near.
I don't blame you for turning your back,
pretending you don't see.
I failed to help you an
It's Okay To Be Okay Maybe it's because nobody told me it was okay, to be alone, to be just me. Maybe it's because I never stopped hurting, and I never got the chance to go numb. Maybe it's because I don't have a friend or a hand to hold out here in the middle of falling down. Maybe that is what this life is for, to sit here with my broken heart and just watch it go by. Maybe that is why I'm slowly going crazy and why my head is filled with all these pointless maybe's.
I remember when you told me, if you could have one wish it would be that when we are gone everybody who knew us would look back and say "He always made her so happy." Don't you know you aren't supposed to tell your wishes? When you tell someone your wish, it doesn't come true.
Sometimes, I want to hate you for everything you did to try help me become a better person
Who Needs A HeartShe looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I can’t live without him.”
All I could do was hold on to her and tell her, “I know.”
It’s funny how we all define a broken heart. Someone we love, stops loving us and it feels like our world is going to end. We wallow, we cry, we rebel and sometimes we even hate. But then we get over it and move on because a broken heart doesn’t kill us really. We might come out of it all a bit damaged and unable to trust, but somehow we survive.
You are different. With a truly broken heart you love like I’ve never known anyone to love before. When I think of you, I am embarrassed for ever feeling sorry for myself. When I think of you, I feel so full of pride to know you and to call you a friend. When I think of you, I hate the world for the way it devastates the best people.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “It doesn’t loo
AftershockIt’s like a storm.
He touches me like lightning, and I feel the electricity.
Sparks exploding around our bodies every single time,
yet every time he shocks me.
He is the rain pounding on me, pouring into me.
And my screams of pleasure, the thunder.
It’s like a volcano.
He is so hot, smoky red hot lava hot.
Spicy, sizzling, blistery heat, always raising my temperature,
and I melt when I am near him.
Burning me with his passion, and then he erupts,
setting a blazing fire inside me.
It’s like a tornado.
Strong, and powerful, my heart races when I see him.
He plays with me, my head spinning like a carnival ride,
until I beg him to let me get off.
And he gets me off with dumbfounding ability,
leaving complete destruction in his path.
It’s like an earthquake.
Rocking me, he shakes up my world.
His violent vibrations making me quiver,
as the walls come crashing down around us.
And when it’s all over I continue to tremble for hours,
Secret Fantasy Snow FortI don’t need much,
Just a shallow hole to bury myself in.
A coffin more than a castle.
I just want to be wrapped in frozen silence.
I want to close my eyes and hear nothing,
Nothing but the heavy ice settling around me.
I want to go numb.
Freeze my hands,
Take away any warmth left from the last time he held them.
Freeze my eyelids closed,
So I never have to open them again and find myself alone.
Collapse onto my chest
Suffocate me… sweet enclosure.
I no longer wish to breathe.
Freeze my brain so I don’t have to remember anymore
So I no longer imagine, so I no longer hope
Freeze my skin
So that it no longer burns for his touch.
I’d ask you to harden and break apart my heart
But that already happened many months ago.
Waiting for the First KissPerhaps we are but two broken souls
Knowing not where our hearts comfort lies.
I’ve spent so many months hiding, running
So many things seemed so unreal.
I am ready to heal now, to stop hiding
I want to embrace this, embrace you.
Because my thoughts of you are like
Warm hugs on a cold night.
And for the first time I feel no fear
As I share myself with you slowly
Last night I dreamed of us together
Against your body all night long
I love the way you make me smile
Every time you speak to me
You give me the strength I need
To accept desires I forgot so long ago
With you, I’m not afraid to open my heart
Which I have happily kept closed
Unaware where this will go, or end
Only knowing I can’t wait for the start
Take Away My DreamsFalling into sleep with sweet arms around me
My daughters embrace is so comforting.
With thoughts in my mind of Mister Everything.
His soul holds a passion that touches me.
And yet when I finally begin to sleep.
My guilty hearts screams are deafening.
It has been nearly a year since our first kiss.
But the laughter we shared is what I miss.
Face to face at a table in my dream, we sit.
And I question how we have come to this.
How was our love so easy to dismiss?
My only answer is his infinite silence.
Mind drifting on to another love.
Who I gave up so easily for the one above.
A man that most women only dream of.
Someone only a fool would run away from.
But when it comes to love I am so dumb.
And in my dreams I wish for morning to come.
Awake, my p
now.i was the the girl stuck
between the pages of books
i'd never read and
half in love with people
i'd never met.
and you were the boy
who asked me if i
liked the sun--
nervous, palms tingling, i
almost told you that i
Look CloserStop and look closer.
You’ll see a person behind this face,
A beating heart beneath this chest,
A fire burning for life, for love:
You’ll see something beautiful.
Stop and look closer.
I’m not a number, not a name—
I am myself, just as you are
Unique, special, one-of-a-kind.
Please don’t look right through me.
Stop and look closer.
I wish to know you, and you me;
I wish to see beyond the surface
Of yourself; I wish to touch your soul.
Please don’t brush me aside.
Stop and look closer.
For just a moment, just a minute,
Give me a chance to show you
This burning flame I keep inside.
Please share yourself with me.
Stop and look closer!
As you turn away to leave,
My burning heart turns to icy stone.
If you would just give me a chance...
Please don’t leave me.
Stop! Look closer!
Why do you always leave?
Why don’t you see me when I see you?
I would never leave if you’d just...
Please come back to me!
Stop! Look at me!
I’ll die if you
jesse owens, the boy who never died.my best friend's name is
after the fastest man in
i think his name has
a sort of ring
"Jesse Owens, the boy
who can race the
and my Jesse Owens,
my lightning boy, he
has eyes like the sidewalk
if you don't know what that
looks like, or what that
feels like, then i
don't know what to tell you.
we used to race home from
buzzing bees behind our
fly away hair, the soles
of his shoes hit the
sidewalk like little
bombs: taptap taptap
if i listen hard
enough, i can always hear
Jesse Owens pounding through the
town. i hear him
in the quiet right before the
sun rises, frayed
shoelaces nipping at
but now he goes shooting straight
past my house, and we
don't run home from
school. see, my
Jesse Owens ran himself right
into a bullet,
which he swallowed better than
the pills his doctor gave
a.m./p.m.i put my hands
in the stars-
feathery hair, cold
skin and cyanosis fed,
i realize that i am
born in neither winter
or spring, crying about
cherry tree spines and
throwing stones, i
was left for the
it is the dawn of
February, and i am so close to
seventeen that i can
taste it; i am
very nearly choking
the sky beckons me most
at 11:49 pm, because
it's hovering between
tomorrow and yesterday--
that destroys me.
i want to burn it to the
the ashes in like cigarettes on
i am stuck here
in a windowless town with
a thousand memories stuck
between my canines;
into the wind, i
drop words like dead
take me home.
The NightmaresMy heart showed me something last night,the real ghosts that haunt me,still trapped in this shell
It wasnt the drugs that brought me to my knees,it was the things i did to get them,that was my hell
thats where the nightmares come from,those are the things that were the core of my disease
stealing money from jesus,because i believe he doesnt really see us
using all your compassion as weapons against you,i stole from your heart,its what i had to do
i was hooked,to a line with no sinker,graduated to the needle,and through my veins my demise would enter
always numb,but i wasnt dumb,i was living i like third world scum,and i knew it
i had lost all hope,i had embraced death,to ultimately see me through it
digging through dumpsters,those were my buffets,just to save a dollar
all behind one more,i drifted deeper into the madness,a rat trapped in a maze
looked you in the eye and told you a story,but it wasnt mine,my eyes ALWAYS betrayed me
i broke all your hearts because they believed in me,you
You are MistakenEvery step I take is surrounded
By those hypnotizing circles
Like the ones around the water droplet
Falling into its companions.
Every breath I breathe
Fills my lungs with the earth
And it blooms inside me
As spring takes hold.
Every movement I make
Gently caresses the air
Until I, too, feel myself
Start to float.
Every sound that sounds
Brings a choir into my head,
Beautiful music sings out,
I sing along.
Everything I do is unique to me
And me alone
Please do not make the mistake
Of knowing “me”
If you have not seen the world
From my point of view.
summer, 1999.my earliest memory
of my mother
is after my father had
almost hit her
in the kitchen of
our new house.
yellow walls; she
had hung glass portraits of
herbs on the
windows. they rattle when
the front door
opens and closes.
i am hardly
two, white blonde hair and
rosy cheeks, and
i don't understand
why my mother is smiling
while she cries.
when i ask her,
she doesn't wipe the tears
off of her cheeks.
she tells me that
somewhere deep inside,
she is happy, but she's just
a little sad, too.
she tells me that
sometimes love hurts,
but it's a good kind of
it's the kind of ache we fight for.
i am too young
she picks me up and
carries me to my bedroom
(the first time i had a bedroom and
not the laundry room)
and puts me down for a nap,
but turns on the radio
Awoken,to your dismayI have a taste of madness,its taken the place of my sadness
Ive got a sick whip,thick and dripping with poison at the edge of my lips
and i want you to feel it,every word bringing forth pain
like these feelings you helped create,an eye for an eye
lets do it,,im ready to engage in your sick little game
you want a war i can give it to you,lets dance motherfucker
but before we start,there is something i must mention
necessity is the mother of all invention
i can create a chaos that has no boundaries
the ghosts of who i used to be havent gone far
just a soft whisper away,they still silently surround me
Waiting for that moment to allow our treaty to be broken
and then its on,everything in red,my rage unleashed on you like a virus
and you will see it coming,unable to turn a blind eye,not another word will need to be spoken
i will be coming for you soon,and then you will see the truth of that monster inside me
just because i have made peace with him,that still doesnt mean that he wont occasio
Should"You should have..."
"You know you should do..."
Take that word where I can't hear it
Because all I hear is
"My judgement will always be
better than yours."
"You aren't smart enough to
make your own decisions."
"You always need me."
"You can't help yourself."
Because all I feel is
To Wake Up HappyKnowing you exist would have been enough.
Enough to heal
what all of the glue and tape in the world couldn't hold together.
Broken trust, empty promises, disappointment, pain.
All washed away with a smile.
And I am bewildered.
Standing here dumbfounded in disbelief.
Crushed and suffocating,
suddenly I could breathe again.
As you unexpectedly lifted the world from my chest
and filled me with peace.
Free now to focus on the pain that matters
and not the pain from the false hopes
fed to me by lying lips.
People come and go
and when they go they leave behind bitter betrayal.
But you are nothing like anyone I've ever known.
Even nightmares disappear as you enter them
and turn them to amazing dreams.
And with those dreams flowing through my sleeping mind,
I wake up each morning finally unafraid.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More