The Perfect Poison

It is everything I wanted.

I tried so hard
To beat and bleed the pain away.
To smoke it and drink it
Into nothingness.
I let people hurt me
Because I wanted to hurt.
And I laughed when they hit me
And then cried because it wasn’t enough.

Nothing hurts more than losing him.

Now I’ve found a new drug
It numbs my heart.
It burns my skin and freezes my blood.
All I can think about is the high, and the pain.
It hurts so bad.  It hurts just enough.
It hurts enough to make him disappear.
And so I’ll ride this high as long as he is gone.
And I will ride it until it kills me.

Who knew, the one thing I said I’d never do
would be the one thing that saved me.