I Just Want To Be Happy AgainI had to laugh at myself tonight as I held my head under water for as long as I could stand it. This wasn't the first time I wondered what it would feel like to drown. Am I that unoriginal or do I just keep pressing rewind and making the same mistakes over and over?I used to be one of those people who hated the thought of being lonely but now the more time I spend by myself, the more sense I make. I just want someone to say it's okay. Tell me I can do it all on my own.I know I haven't always been good. Sometimes I am mean, and I have hurt people in retaliation for the times others have hurt me. It wasn't right, whatever the reason. But I believe I have paid for my mistakes with a guilt that most people will never know. I continue to pay each day, to the point where I often wonder if I will ever have peace or if i even deserve it.It's all I feel, guilt and pain. Once upon a time I could love. And I loved with a depth I
I Love The Way You Made I Love You SoundIt's one of those days where important words remain unspoken because I don't know how to say them or write them or paint them. You tell me how it is and I have to remain silent and accept your new rules. This or nothing, you explain and you have no idea how much I wish I could just go back to being empty once again.Remember when you told me that you hated me for opening your heart to places you never knew existed? Sometimes, I wish I could hate you back.Every time you fell I held you with impossible strength. I gave myself to you, every bit of me, everything in doses to try to cure your pain. You took it and left me weak and alone.The nightmares are back now that I am defenseless. I spend the days shaking in fear and crying in sorrow. I cry so hard it hurts. I'm so tense, and worn out and all I want to do is sleep, but the second I fall asleep the nightmares are there again. My love for you is my curse and I would do anything for
The Daily Smile In My Dead WorldThe evil inside me is wet with passionand waiting to sink it's teeth into the goodness of you.If death will bring us closer,I can die now.Cut my heart from my chest and feed it to the world. Let them be poisoned by my rotten fruit.If pain makes us stronger then set my eyelids on fireand puncture my veins with acid dipped needles.My tears are blood red and dripping onto your perfect skin. You are so hot they boil and evaporate.Tasting you is ecstasy and I trip on every lick.I wonder which pill I should take, to be with you tonight.
Precious Little MomentsI remember the first time I ever saw you. We had one short minute together and in that minute my heart fell into a deeper love than it had ever known. I didn't get to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you, still I knew that you were forever a part of me.I didn't know then, how long our journey together would last. A day, a few weeks, years, but you were so strong. You were so much stronger than I was, and you were tougher than I could have ever imagined. I always thought I could handle anything, but you are the one who kept me going and kept me sane. I'll never forget the first time you held my hand, squeezing my fingers to reassure me that everything would be all-right.I remember the first time we held each other. You were pressed against my chest and my arms were wrapped around you with my hands on your back. That was one of the most amazing moments I have ever experienced. We went thr
A Cure For HeartacheIn circles.Love, pain, love, painover and over and over and over.Vicious cycle of hope and defeat,endlessly spinning, dizzying.You were there.Open arms broke my descent.Unbreakable and breathtaking,right where I needed you to be.Those precious moments you let me cry,or made me laugh, or held my hand,extinguished the pain.Silent tears no longer fall.
I Know I Can't WinOpen eyelids see,sad morning light.Haunted by hands,by words,tortured by night.Bruises are covered,by make-up and clothes.Tears dry,smiles lie,so nobody will know.Blood lost by blood-lust,desire and despise.Feeding,delicious fear,from innocent eyes.Today becomes tomorrow,and the next and the next.Tormented palms,and lips pray,for a day of sweet rest.No daylight nor nightfall,forbids more disdain.But lessons learned,lessen,the measure of pain.Don't fight back... Don't complain.
I Can't Find YouWhere is the man I fell in love with?What happened to the man who said forever and made me believe him? The one who sent me flowers just to make all the other girls jealous. The man who called me his world and told me he would fight for me, for us. Where is the man who wanted to spend every second that he could with me? Where is the man who said he would rather be alone the rest of his life if he couldn't have me? With my face pressed into your sweatshirt I take a deep breath to inhale you one last time before my tears wash away your scent for good. I can't sleep, instead at night I scream into my pillow. I walk outside and beg the stars to bring you back to me. I can see the twinkle in their eyes as they silently laugh at me for being so foolish. They can't help, nobody can.I hold onto this love with every ounce of strength in my body, and it is not enough. I can't find t
I Am Not A VictimThese are the truest lies I can hide behind.That night, doesn't control me. It doesn't control me, it doesn't affect me and every decision I make. I barely even remember.I don't remember the taste of your lips as you pressed your mouth against mine after looking into my eyes and telling me you love me.I don't remember the feel of your arms holding me down as their hands began tearing at my clothes, or the fear of realizing what was happening and what was about to happen. The night was cold and the air bit me as I ran undressed through the dark forest, I barely noticed. Just like I didn't notice the sticks and branches and thorns that were shredding my skin. I hardly remember the sound of the voice yelling "Get her!" or the sound of my heavy breath mixed with cries. I don't remember being caught, or any of the excruciating moments that happened after, for what seemed like hours. You looked at me with disg