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In Your HellYou're hiding in the shadows
of a dark and lonely place,
not wanting to hear my voice
and refusing to see my face.
Never knowing that I have followed you...
into this despair,
hoping to hold your hand
and comfort you once I'm there.
The ground shakes as I blindly walk
only following my heart,
I'm trying so hard to hang on
as my entire world falls apart.
The air here stings my lungs,
but I keep breathing for you.
I'm clinging to hope because
it's the only thing I know to do.
My tears are so hot they boil in my eyes
and burn lines down my skin,
and my stomach feels as if
I've swallowed some kind of poison.
The poison quickly flows through my blood,
attacking my brain.
It's so hard to fight insanity
when I'm screaming from the pain.
My body is destroyed and I can't walk,
but what is left of my lovesick heart,
knows that you are near.
I don't blame you for turning your back,
pretending you don't see.
I failed to help you an
A Fairytale... EndingLast year began with an amazing start
Kissing my true love in the winter rain
But early spring brought me a broken heart
My love did not want to see me again
This tortured soul could not handle the ache
Lashing on myself with infernal hate
I knew my love wanted for me to break
And I wanted to please my sweet soul mate
As month after month brought tear after tear
My sad heart had suffered enough despair
When the world celebrated this New Year
I stood alone in midnights frozen air
A solid promise to the stars above
This year I resolve not to fall in love
I caught a fleeting glimpseI can’t believe my messed up brain,
the absurdity in being positive again.
But this girl is surely not so blind,
and every story has at least two sides.
Just remember at first it was me,
who said that we could never be.
And you promised me it was okay,
and that no matter what you’d stay.
The lie that friendship was enough,
until "just friends" became too tough.
But romantic notions strung me along,
until the day it all went wrong.
Until the moment you held me tight,
turning my insides out, and black to white.
The second you let go I knew it was the end,
and once again, I had lost my friend.
I had so hoped that your lies were true,
and I wanted so much to believe in you.
Pretending to be so sweet to me,
saying things I didn't want to believe.
I wasn't ready for how you made me feel,
but I desperately wanted it to be real.
Not Ready To Be LovedWarm hands caress my skin,
and send chills through my body.
I shudder in the darkness
but my shaking only encourages him.
He leans in and softly kisses me
and I turn away in disgust.
Lonely eyes plead for my affection
I can't stand to look anymore.
As he confesses his love for me I sigh
I am just not ready to be loved.
"I've missed you" this one claims
it's been weeks since I broke his heart.
"Holding you, kissing you, making love"
romantic words that conjure sickness inside.
He talks of his honesty, his loyalty, his devotion
he is a good man, this I know to be true.
He cries that he is so lonely without me
and I feel like I should care.
He tells me he loves me with all of his heart
but I am just not ready to be loved.
This last one is the most difficult to resist
because I could have loved him back.
I went to him in sadness
Waiting for the First KissPerhaps we are but two broken souls
Knowing not where our hearts comfort lies.
I’ve spent so many months hiding, running
So many things seemed so unreal.
I am ready to heal now, to stop hiding
I want to embrace this, embrace you.
Because my thoughts of you are like
Warm hugs on a cold night.
And for the first time I feel no fear
As I share myself with you slowly
Last night I dreamed of us together
Against your body all night long
I love the way you make me smile
Every time you speak to me
You give me the strength I need
To accept desires I forgot so long ago
With you, I’m not afraid to open my heart
Which I have happily kept closed
Unaware where this will go, or end
Only knowing I can’t wait for the start
Shes DangerousA beautiful girl, a sight to behold.
An innocent smile, a heart of gold.
So begins the story, each time it is told.
The ending leaving you, bitter and cold.
Your “soulmate” leads you into her bed.
That’s how she traps you, with lovely legs spread.
Desire and lust dominate your head.
Spellbound you agree to whatever is said.
Her manipulations are a mastered art.
As her trusting victim, you play the part.
She promises to love you with all her heart.
And with sick satisfaction she tears you apart.
From this trance you eventually awake.
That’s when you discover, trust is a mistake.
Your wonderful woman was a scheming snake.
Blinding you with her poison and taking all she could take.
You’re left alone, bitten and broke.
All you had, all you believed, all up in smoke.
Secretly wishing, you had never woke.
She made you love her, and her love was a joke.
Take Away My DreamsFalling into sleep with sweet arms around me
My daughters embrace is so comforting.
With thoughts in my mind of Mister Everything.
His soul holds a passion that touches me.
And yet when I finally begin to sleep.
My guilty hearts screams are deafening.
It has been nearly a year since our first kiss.
But the laughter we shared is what I miss.
Face to face at a table in my dream, we sit.
And I question how we have come to this.
How was our love so easy to dismiss?
My only answer is his infinite silence.
Mind drifting on to another love.
Who I gave up so easily for the one above.
A man that most women only dream of.
Someone only a fool would run away from.
But when it comes to love I am so dumb.
And in my dreams I wish for morning to come.
Awake, my p
Secret Fantasy Snow FortI don’t need much,
Just a shallow hole to bury myself in.
A coffin more than a castle.
I just want to be wrapped in frozen silence.
I want to close my eyes and hear nothing,
Nothing but the heavy ice settling around me.
I want to go numb.
Freeze my hands,
Take away any warmth left from the last time he held them.
Freeze my eyelids closed,
So I never have to open them again and find myself alone.
Collapse onto my chest
Suffocate me… sweet enclosure.
I no longer wish to breathe.
Freeze my brain so I don’t have to remember anymore
So I no longer imagine, so I no longer hope
Freeze my skin
So that it no longer burns for his touch.
I’d ask you to harden and break apart my heart
But that already happened many months ago.
To Wake Up HappyKnowing you exist would have been enough.
Enough to heal
what all of the glue and tape in the world couldn't hold together.
Broken trust, empty promises, disappointment, pain.
All washed away with a smile.
And I am bewildered.
Standing here dumbfounded in disbelief.
Crushed and suffocating,
suddenly I could breathe again.
As you unexpectedly lifted the world from my chest
and filled me with peace.
Free now to focus on the pain that matters
and not the pain from the false hopes
fed to me by lying lips.
People come and go
and when they go they leave behind bitter betrayal.
But you are nothing like anyone I've ever known.
Even nightmares disappear as you enter them
and turn them to amazing dreams.
And with those dreams flowing through my sleeping mind,
I wake up each morning finally unafraid.
Insanity Has Firewalls TooI want to set fire to
all the voices that
dance their way into
Suicide NoteI couldn't quite explain
Why I wanted to kill myself.
Maybe it was my desire to drink myself into oblivion
Or the craving to leave a slew of little lines all over my body.
Maybe it was the memories of you
And the terror of all the things you did to me,
My only problem for over a year,
And I couldn't get away.
At this point I have a warped perception of love.
I feel my pours clog with hatred,
As I can feel myself disintegrate into unimportance,
Never to be truly loved.
Maybe it was my awakened sleep
That couldn't protect me from the shadow
Of even the darkest nights.
Demons suck my soul out through my lips,
A kiss like yours that stings in the morning.
As my eyes feel heavy from vodka,
I head to the medicine cabinet
To erase every trace of you left in me.
I dream of the music they might play,
When all are dressed in black
And tears coat caked faces.
They cry over the memory of me,
My damaged flesh meaning nothing.
We all know it never did.
Look CloserStop and look closer.
You’ll see a person behind this face,
A beating heart beneath this chest,
A fire burning for life, for love:
You’ll see something beautiful.
Stop and look closer.
I’m not a number, not a name—
I am myself, just as you are
Unique, special, one-of-a-kind.
Please don’t look right through me.
Stop and look closer.
I wish to know you, and you me;
I wish to see beyond the surface
Of yourself; I wish to touch your soul.
Please don’t brush me aside.
Stop and look closer.
For just a moment, just a minute,
Give me a chance to show you
This burning flame I keep inside.
Please share yourself with me.
Stop and look closer!
As you turn away to leave,
My burning heart turns to icy stone.
If you would just give me a chance...
Please don’t leave me.
Stop! Look closer!
Why do you always leave?
Why don’t you see me when I see you?
I would never leave if you’d just...
Please come back to me!
Stop! Look at me!
I’ll die if you
Follow the BeatThat city in the distance,
The one that shines so bright,
While you are bathed in darkness,
Tell me, where is your light?
(It's gone, it's gone, it's gone...)
This fear of moving forward,
This always looking back,
Has left your life on fire,
Yeah, you are under attack
(From you, from you, from you...)
You have lost your way!
You're burning deep inside!
So, what will it take,
To bring you back to life...?!
I hope this time you hear me,
I hope that you believe,
And if you need a direction,
Just follow the beat...
All of the mistakes we make,
Every single thing we choose,
They stay with us, always,
There's not one thing we can do
If you're losing who you are,
And don't know who you should be,
Just follow the beat of your own heart,
And finally learn how to breathe
That pain that's ripping you apart,
That pain that lands blow after blow,
It has to stop sometime,
But that time, only you can know
(You have to feel, feel, feel...)
This anger that you aim at you,
It's such a cross to
My DiseaseMy fingers bleed words
that my lips cannot say.
When they try to trickle out,
I scowl and turn away.
It may not be contagious,
but it is a disease.
Holding myself deep inside,
it's getting hard to breathe.
Lies come so easy,
to cover up the truth.
It’s like my second nature,
grown from my very youth.
It’s deeper than conviction,
more earnest than a thought.
It’s my way
It’s my life
It is my disease.
You are MistakenEvery step I take is surrounded
By those hypnotizing circles
Like the ones around the water droplet
Falling into its companions.
Every breath I breathe
Fills my lungs with the earth
And it blooms inside me
As spring takes hold.
Every movement I make
Gently caresses the air
Until I, too, feel myself
Start to float.
Every sound that sounds
Brings a choir into my head,
Beautiful music sings out,
I sing along.
Everything I do is unique to me
And me alone
Please do not make the mistake
Of knowing “me”
If you have not seen the world
From my point of view.
How to pretend that you are a writer.Act like you're not
okay when you are and
that you are when you're
not. Run barefoot in
the snow. Stand out
in the rain for an hour
and think about anything
and everything you can.
Fall in love with
riddles and things that
aren't real and the
way some stars
shine. Cry when
you realize that life is
just one big sham and write
one hundred cliché poems
about it, and then write one
that you actually mean.
Use profanity. Be the
one fucking introvert
in a room full of
extroverts and scream
shit just for the fun of
it. Swallow every goddamn
metaphor you ever dreamed
of and write them down
with your own blood.
Eulogize your own
misery. Put a crown on
it and let it rule your
heart for six years before
you throw a coup d'etat
but just end up with
your head in a basket.
Ask yourself why
you feel so
empty and when
you forgot how to
laugh and where you
last left your smile and
who you even really are
anymore. Mean every word.
Don't cry at funerals. Cry
yourself to sleep every
other night for
for the people with depression.one day, the pressure becomes hard to take.
I don't know what to do, only know that it aches
The past is just haunting, and it keeps going on
Don't know anything anymore, only that something is wrong.
It was the loss of a love, the death of a friend
Half of my heart that I wish didn't end
I knew he was gone, but I couldn't believe
So I hid the pain in cuts under my sleeves
No reason to smile, no reason to live
I cut because blood's the only thing I can give
But now I know that I'm not alone, there's someone who cares
One person's gone but everyone else is still there
I know that it's painful, I know how you feel.
I have depression, PTSD, I know that it's real
But one day I got up and hung into life
And day by day, I avoided my knife
I wrote free verse poetry, shed all my tears
Drew all the good things I ever had in my years
Little by little, I healed very slowly
It's not over yet, but I'm not as lonely
What I'm trying to tell you is to believe and to hope
You don't have to die hanging
2 Cold 2 BleedOn frozen nights when it is too cold to bleed,
Those are the times I am afraid to dream.
When conversation brings unwanted memories,
Tears flowing in streams until I can finally breathe.
The truth is that getting over things
Is what I do best sometimes it seems.
But how the sun shines when he speaks to me!
And I find myself wanting to know everything.
I want to look through his eyes, to see what he sees,
I want to know if he ever thinks about me.
In the end though, I shyly retreat.
I can't allow him into my reality.
I know I could love him, most certainly.
But we all know what happens...
when someone is loved by me.
a dangerous hallucinationThe light coming through the window was bright,
much too bright.
Even though my eyes were closed
I could see it-
The skin of my arms prickled,
sweat dripped from my brow.
It was two in the afternoon but…
the sun was setting
through the window facing east.
I should have seen the hutch,
shelves lined with bone china
decorated with delicate leaves and vines.
I was so thirsty
and reaching for cups that should have been there.
Instead I found a billboard of butterflies,
the colors raging
more than any rainbow
I'd ever seen.
Their wings fluttered and flashed
yet somehow they moved in slow motion.
I wanted to stand,
wanted to reach out and touch them but…
I couldn't move,
and yet I laughed
ignoring my dry mouth
and the tingling in my feet.
There was a tempest
on the rise
and in my blood.
A sugar rush disguised
as a riot of butterflies
and they were swarming me.
There was a small vial
of insulin in my pocket
that I nev
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More