Shop More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Member Queen AwesomeFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 246 Deviations 3,083 Comments 9,788 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Watchers

Webcam

Groups

:iconbleedingpoets: :iconhome-to-all-art: :iconfriendly-place: :iconsuicide-writers:

Activity


I've had one of those weeks where all sorts of bad stuff is happening.

I got an infection and went to the doctor and then the antibiotics he gave me caused another infection!  I also have a couple injuries from my clumsiness/carelessness.  But... there were two things that happened this week... on the same day that really freaked me out.

So first, the other night I woke up around 2am screaming.  This is not something I often do anymore.  I am a light sleeper and wake up all night long but never screaming... unless someone touches me.  I am used to my kids crawling in bed with me so they don't bother me and eventually I get used to sleeping with someone else if I have a bf or whatever.  But usually I have to be super freaked out and scared to wake up like that.

So I woke up screaming and like ten seconds later this big wooden bookshelf on the other side of my room just fell over.  For a minute... I didn't even believe it really happened.  I heard a crash and what sounded like glass breaking but it was dark and I didn't see anything.  I thought a window broke or something.  So I get up and turn the light on and then see the bookshelf on the floor.  My kids were in their rooms and my dog and cat were laying in bed with me.  So I still have no clue how it happened!

Okay well I went back to sleep and nothing else happened the rest of the night.  BUT LATER THAT DAY...

When my daughter came home from school, it was just her and I in the house.  I felt sick cause of my infection so I went to lay down upstairs and left her watching tv downstairs. 

Well after a bit she comes running up to me and says "Mommy the bad girl hit me."

I thought she was talking about a girl from school so I asked who.  She said "The girl in the mirror."

She said it was in the downstairs bathroom and I asked if it was her, thinking she was seeing her reflection.  She said no it was the other girl.

Okay... should I be freaked out or what?
  • Mood: Excited

I broke, the moment you walked away.

You left me there with nothing to hold onto except shock, and pain.  I didn’t bother picking up the pieces of my heart that were scattered on the ground.  I left them, the way you left me.  I left the love, the hope and the faith I had, there in the parking lot. 

Over the next few weeks I tried, so hard to find all those pieces again.  Carefully collecting them little by little.  As hard as I tried, I couldn’t put them back together.  It was you, pushing and pulling me.  You shook me up and I couldn’t be still.  I couldn’t be stable enough to fix myself.

And now, now you want it all back.  You want me back together.  You want me to be the girl I was before you destroyed her. 

I never should have come to your house that night.  I came because I had nowhere else to go.  I just wanted to feel safe after being attacked the way I was.  And I let you dress me in an old t-shirt of yours and let you hold me through the night as I shivered and cried. 

And after that you told me that you knew you had made a mistake when you pushed me away.  You said you were sorry and I was grateful for the apology.  I just wish you would have stopped there.

You said I was the best thing that ever happened to you.  That you hurt me because people hurt the ones they love the most.  That you couldn’t control what was happening in your head.  But you also promised there was never anybody else. 

Keeping my things at your house because you wanted to feel close to me still.  Because you wanted to feel me there.  Now you keep coming up with reasons to see me again, to have me around.

I asked why you wanted to see me and you said “Who wouldn’t?  Who wouldn’t want you around?”  YOU!  You are the one who avoided me.  You are the one who didn’t want to even talk to me let alone see me.  I told you this and you said you were an idiot.  You said you were no better than any other man who has ever hurt me.  I told you that you are right.

But now you want me to forgive you.  We always say we can forgive but not forget.  Is that really forgiveness though?  I don’t think so.  You say that you never stopped loving me and that you are going to prove to me that you are still the man I fell in love with.  You are working on it, you are going to counseling, you are doing everything you can to heal.  But when you look at me, I still can’t look back. 

You told me today that I am the only person in the world who you trust.  But I don’t trust you anymore and I don’t know if I ever will again.  The pieces are still pieces and I am still broken.  And your words, are only words.

Even though you say you felt regret the moment you walked away.

Still Can't Feel
"We don't give people second chances to hurt us."

Am I stupid?
Loading...

Trapped in cold darkness.

Bitter pain.

Heartache.

You were like the sun.

Waking me, warming me.

My daylight began the moment we met.

I was suffocating.

And you were the air,

That filled my lungs.

And brought me back to life.

Heating my frozen blood.

Sending it pulsing through my veins.

You are the reason my heart beats again.

And I am struck dumb

With wonder by you.

On my knees with open arms

I give you my world.

And I know

I am safe in your embrace.

Statement In Bold
For someone very special. Whose birthday is today... sorta. lol
Loading...
Pink:  That is how I felt the first time I saw your face.  Like a beautiful sunset, you filled my world with calming peace.  I saw you, and nothing else mattered.  All my worry and pain vanished as I felt my broken heart lift from my chest piece by piece until it was all gone.  It is safe, with you now.

Blue:  The deepest blue I could hope to find shines outward from your eyes.  I stare into them searching for a glimpse of your soul.  I stare into them and wonder how they see me, how could these amazing eyes possibly see me?

Black:  It’s the darkness I feel when you aren’t here.  But it’s longing more than loneliness.  And not so much pain, as pleasure in knowing I am only missing you because you mean so much to me. 

Red:  That is heat.  Heat from you, the way you excite me.  The way you tease and turn me on.  The way you make me blush.  Red is the color of my desire and my burning passion for you. 

Green:  The color that comes from genuine happiness is the bright green that my eyes turn when I feel that way.  It’s there when I look at you, when I talk to you, when I think about you.

And then there is you.  If you were a color, I’d call you “Love at first sight” or maybe “Dream Come True” because that is what you are, and that is how I felt the first time I saw you.

You showed me that something I never before believed in, really does exist.

You Speak To Me In Colors
People have been inspiring me lately... in good ways. 
:)  Someone I know made me think of love at first sight and I wanted to write about it and this is what happened.
Loading...

After all this time, there is still nothing like hearing you laugh.  Thank you for giving that back to me, at a time when the last thing I thought I could do was smile.  Thank you for not making it difficult, or sad.  Thank you for being there for me in my darkness.  I don’t know if you know how much it means.

 

I love that we can still find humor in things we joked about years ago.  I love that when I hear from you I am instantly happy.  I love that you know me.  You know me so well that you know what I’m thinking, and what I am going to say. 

 

Even though we have been through so much, and probably have so many reasons to hate each other, you are still my favorite person.  I wish I could find the perfect words to show you how much I appreciate you, how much I always have.  Even on the bad days.

 

I appreciate everything about you.  I always have.  But tonight, more than ever.

Dear Pants
For Pants, because it's his birthday.
I guess sometimes I don't have to go on and on just to get my point across. 
Especially with you, as you know me so well that you already know how I feel about something before I have to explain.
Loading...

deviantID

MySocksRock's Profile Picture
MySocksRock
Queen Awesome
United States
What can I say?
I love toes and bullet-holes.



and of course...

I am the Queen of Awesomeness.

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icondeadfish-silentarmy:
Deadfish-SilentArmy Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, Just thought I'd say "hello" and send you this :hug:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Student Writer
:iconthankyouplz: For everything :)
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014   General Artist
Bunny Emoji-66 (Thank you arigatou) [V3] for the fave Misc Emoji-13 (Heart) [V1] 
Reply
:iconregal-pinion:
Regal-Pinion Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the faves. It's good to be back. :)
Reply
:iconknight-poet:
Knight-Poet Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Student Writer
Reply
Add a Comment: