Deviant since May 10, 2012 | Premium Member until Mar 31, 2015
Don't call it a comeback!
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Don't forget, restraints can bring out the creativity in you!
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Sometimes... worrying about shit and trying to make good things happen... just plain sucks.
So I am going to tell a story that I have probably told before, if not publicly then most likely privately to at least some of you.
Once upon a time when I was fairly young I was over my friend Joes house. It was very late and we were just sitting in his bedroom listening to one of my all time favorite songs "Scream of the butterfly" by Acidbath.
He turned it up loud because we both loved that song. Suddenly his mom comes into his room screaming at us because she was trying to sleep and we were keeping her up. He turned the music down and she left. As soon as she walked out the door he turned it back up.
I told him to turn it back down and he asked why. To which I responded that I was afraid she might come back in and yell at us again.
So then Joe turned it up even louder and said "There, now you know she is going to come back so just enjoy it while you can."
I always think about that story in times like this... where I feel overwhelmed with bad things and worry. And that song up there kinda sends the same message in J Roddys weird way of trying to send messages...
Shit happens.... it is what it is...
The first time Robby broke my heart, a friend of mine told me he was going to help me embrace "life after whatever that was." So I wrote in my journal (The actual paper one I have) "EMBRACE LAWTW" I guess that is something I have to remember now.
Life is crazy isn't it? So full of ups and downs, bad and good. You have awesome people and shitty people. Sometimes the awesome people turn into shitty people... sometimes the shitty people turn into awesome people. You never know though. You can guard yourself all you want... you still never know.
I hate being guarded. I hate not letting myself feel things that could be awesome because of my stupid fear that they will turn out shitty.
You know... some (or at least one of you) might say that I acted like a desperate whore in taking Robby back and I got what I deserved. But let me tell you one thing, that additional time I got to spend with him... those few more months... they were worth it. They were worth the pain. Who wouldn't give anything to spend a little bit more time with the love of their life?
Oh yes... I hate him now for hurting me. But, the pain was worth it.
And yes, now I will always have issues trusting someone, and yes I am suspicious of every single man I meet that he will do the same thing to me. And that sucks. It sucks so bad. BUT, the fact is that I don't need a man in my life for me to know how amazing and awesome I am. If one day one finally realizes it and appreciates me for it, then great. If not, who cares... I still love me.
I think I might be getting off track though. In fact, I lost my direction completely.
I guess what I am trying to say is the same thing I have said here many times. Live life, enjoy the things that are there for you to enjoy. Don't be afraid to love. You never know when you will be driving down the road and a big truck will come out of nowhere and hit you! (Cause that happened to me yesterday, lol)
Make your moments count and don't spend time worrying about the bad shit that might happen... because as I have said before.... bad shit is gonna happen no matter what. No matter how well you guard yourself... bad things will happen. So isn't it better to just do what makes you feel good and feel happy and then just deal with the bad when it happens?