Well friends, first of all I am sorry I haven't been around for awhile. I really tried to come on here at work as much as I could since I didn't have my laptop at home But my work and other things just got in the way. However now I have my badass little laptop all fixed up so... its on mofos!
Since I am about 3 billion deviations behind, it may take me awhile to catch up. And I don't wanna fave and comment on everything and flood yalls inboxes but I promise I will pay special attention to the ones I like best when I finally do catch up!
Since you all stuck with me and my personal drama over the past year and a half with you know who... let me give you all my final update on that! Some of you know what has happened, but the majority of you don't so here we go... brace yourselves.
The past month has been insane for me and it's no wonder I decided to consume myself in work to avoid thinking about anything else. My poor little puppyloo Checca died. And that was heartbreaking in itself. I've had to deal with one crazy weirdo stalker after another... but mostly just one in particular. And work... well... I can't even begin to explain the horrors going on there. Nothing bad directed towards me... but very bad things none the less.
Here is the BIG news though...
Early October I was contacted by a girl I didn't know. She actually sent me a friend request on Facebook. I just saw that she and I had a common friend. It was one of you people, my lovely dA friends who I am also friends with on Facebook. So I figured maybe I knew her from here and just didn't know her real name. I accepted her request.
Shortly after that she sent me a message.
We got to talking and it turned out.....
Wait for it cause this is gonna be good.......She was Robbys current girlfriend!
Worry not friends... there was no crazy bitch fight. She is actually a fantastic person. After talking to her for awhile I actually began to like her very much and I really have nothing bad at all to say about her. Her problem is that she got suckered in by the same lying cheating motherfucker that I did. And I actually feel bad for her. Luckily he isn't her problem anymore either.
So after comparing notes she and I both realized that towards the end o our relationship, Robby had been seeing both of us at the same time. He had lied to her and told her that he and I broke up awhile before we really did. And the only thing I had ever heard about her was she was some girl he used to work with but didn't anymore and occasionally she hung out with his boss still.
The last day that Robby and I were together intimately, I was over his house that morning to spend some time in bed with him before leaving town for the night. While I was gone that evening, he was with her. When I came over his house the next night, I had some suspicions (mostly because of what I saw and how his story about what he did the night before didn't add up) but I quickly dismissed them because he made me promise to always love and trust him no matter what. That fucker.
She also confirmed for me that the first time we broke up he was in fact cheating on me then too. Not with her though. She didn't know him then.
So who knows what other lies he told me while we were together. I don't care anymore. All I know is all my questions have now been answered and I have absolutely no feelings at all left for the man. And it feels great!
See people... that is what someone needs when you decide to end a relationship with them. Closure. It might hurt... but it hurts a whole hell of a lot less than just not speaking to them and letting them imagine whatever.
I am sure part of him did love me. I'm not doubting that. But he was not a good person.
And I am sure he also loved her very much... but how can you fully love someone when you begin your relationship with a lie?
I try to understand because I have lied and left people without answers... but at the same time I was much younger and I certainly don't treat people like that now. Robby is not a kid. He is much older than me, he knows better.
She told me the other day that she is not with him any more and much happier now. I am happy for her. I told her when we first met that if she wanted to try work things out with him I would support that but in all honesty she deserves better. Nobody deserves a liar and a cheater.
So the good news is... I don't ache with things unknown any more. I know that even after he and I were no longer together he lied to me. It was months before I found out he was seeing someone else. He kept telling me he was sick and depressed and alone and just didn't want to see anyone because he was so sad.
Even after I found out he had a girlfriend, the couple times we spoke he acted like he wasn't happy. Never mentioning her though... just in general. He was trying to keep his options open no doubt. What an asshole!
So yeah, I have absolutely nothing left inside me for him anymore. No love... no hate... just nothing.
The only downfall I suppose, is that before there was still hope. Not for me and him... but just for something... with someone... someday.
I had this amazing love so I knew I was capable of it, even though it didn't work out with him... I knew it could happen and may happen again if I could find someone worthy. And now, I can't imagine ever trusting anyone again.
I'm not worried about it though. It's just annoying having to explain to anyone who wants to try be with me that I can never give them the love or trust they want. It is what it is though.
WHAT KILLS ME THOUGH......
IS that she knew one of you. And no I won't put anyone on blast. I haven't confronted that person about it at all. But yes... it was one of my lovely dA friends who also happens to live near me. It was someone I had cried to about Robby.
He also knew her. He has apparently known her for a long time.
As she began her relationship with my boyfriend, he listened to me cry over the end of mine. With all my unanswered questions.
He could have saved me so much pain and heartache if he would have just told me that Robby was with someone else now.
I can't blame him though. I don't think men know how to put two and two together as well as women do. So he probably had no idea it was the same person. Kinda crazy though, isn't it?Okay well... here are some non Robby related fun things....
My hair is now purple!!!
No really it is... see!!!
I'm doing it because World Prematurity day is November 17th. And I try my best to spread awareness. Everything lights up purple that day so I figure if my hair is purple then people will ask me why I did it and I can explain. So far, its been working.
Also!!! Last weekend I got to spend some time with the amazing Painter Billy
He is a super sweetheart (and really hot too girls!)
For real I don't think I would have gotten through my last round of radiation back in August without him keeping me company and constantly checking up on me and making me smile the whole time.
So when I saw him last week he brought me two paintings he had made for me. One is at work hanging in my office. And this is the other one that I haven't decided where to put yet but I'm pretty sure as soon as I move its going over my bed.
So pretty isn't it?
He doesn't come on here anymore so that link to his dA page doesn't even begin to show the amazing things he can do.
Anyway, we are eventually going to work on something together. He said he will possibly paint something on wood and then I can burn over it. So it will be cool to see what we can come up with!
So, in spite of the bad and the drama, good things are happening. It's nice to not have that worry and heartache inside me anymore. I feel free for the first time in a very long time. And it feels good.
Take it sleazy friends. Luv u all.
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